My Trial Separation From Facebook

My relationship with facebook is on rocky ground. What started as an innocent flirtation has morphed into something compelling and consuming. So. I have initiated a trial separation. It had to be me to make the first move. Facebook didn’t want to budge. Oh no. Facebook wasn’t going anywhere. The trouble was, until last Tuesday, neither was I. Our laptop sits open on the dining room table, connected and signed in, all day. And all those “quick checks” were adding up. They were adding up to a lot of unwashed dishes, a lot of unvaccumed carpet and a lot of last minute dashes to the supermarket at 5:30 because I had no idea what was for dinner. The problem was, facebook is interesting. I loved to know that my old school friend now living overseas had a new job; that the lovely-girl-I-worked-with-in-Japan also had a daughter called Freya; that so-and-so had posted a fascinating article about infant sleep controversies. Hit “like.” Hit “repost.” “Add comment.” Then, there was also the worrying stuff. A friend’s teenage son. Not so sure about all those “like” notifications coming through from his profile. Should I be worried about this? Did this require some kind of response? Somehow all this information seemed important. It demanded my attention and my attention, desperate for something new and exciting to focus on was only too happy to oblige. It all seems harmless enough, I know. Any for many I’m sure it is. But I, like a lot of people, struggle with moderation. That interesting article would stay in my mind and I would mull it over, hash it out, think-think-think about it for hours until it had sapped enough energy to render me useless for the actual, right-in-front-of-me issues, the realities of my little life. Stuff like talking to my husband. Some people can casually glance through an article and shelve it. Not me. I need to engage. I feel obliged to comment. And there’s only so much stuff that I can engage with.

I know this blog is called “funfaircrafts” and perhaps you have stumbled upon it expecting to read something about upcycled clothing or similar. Bear with me. Funfair is another casualty of my facebook relationship. One fabulous aspect of the great wide world of cyberspace I have discovered to my delight is that there are people out there just like me! I can spend hours discovering the blogs of other vintage fashion lovers, eco crafters, lacey doily collectors who are all just…so…inspiring! (and on facebook). So I decided to make a page for funfair. This seemed the way to go. Much quicker than blogging all the time and with a potentially much larger audience in a shorter space of time. Page made. Photos uploaded. Invitations (somewhat sheepishly) sent. Now to wait. A few minutes passed. A notification arrived! Someone had responded to my invitation and they “liked” me. They LIKED me! Soon complete strangers “liked” me. I double checked. No – we didn’t have any mutual friends!! Whee!! Must. Keep. Posting. It wasn’t long before I had discovered many other WAHM’s facebook pages. People making and selling really beautiful clothing. Creations more beautiful than mine. And cheaper! Oh my goodness! How did they do this so cheap? Why hadn’t I thought of that design? Then the dilemma: “if I hit “like” it’s going to show on my friend’s feeds that I “like” this other person’s page and then my “friend” might buy their stuff instead of mine but I really want to keep an eye on what they are making and where they are selling it.” Honestly, it was just getting ridiculous! Everytime an image of a ruffled nappy cover appeared on my newsfeed I would feel intimidated. I was becoming aware that my confidence in my own unique creativity was waning. (And I don’t even make ruffled nappy covers!) It’s not only moderation that I struggle with. It’s also comparing myself with others. The “business network” side to facebook was providing me with the perfect context to compare funfair, become discouraged and lose focus.

The worst part though, is this. I would get up early in the morning to spend time with God. It’s my favourite part of the day – the early morning, before anyone else is up and about. It feels almost sacred and I find my clearest thoughts and most feverent prayers in that time-space. But as I would sit down at the computer to do my Bible study (have been working through some excellent ones online) I would inevitably end up on facebook! The minutes would pass until I heard some little body stirring upstairs at which point I would hurriedly answer a couple of questions, throw up a quick prayer and start on the porridge. Throughout the day I was becoming aware of this phenomena emerging: Some event would transpire. Something like, say, ricies being spilt all over the floor. I looked for the next opportunity to update my facebook status and wait expectantly for my friends to respond. If something was on my mind I would put it on facebook and enjoy the “instant peer support” that seemed to follow. Facebook was becoming a kind of counsellor for me. Not good.

The thing is, in writing this post it’s difficult to decide which tense to use. The struggle for “moderation” makes me hesitant to cry “divorce.” It would be much easier, in a way, to say “no more facebook” than to tiptoe back and attempt a less wholehearted embrace. I do think there are things that we may need to totally eliminate from our lives. The danger comes when we allow that to make us feel safe and superior and when abstaining from certain things starts to define us. So I have to say that I’m not sure yet, whether or not facebook and I will get back together or whether our separation is permanent. I do feel that I need a little longer to straighten out my priorities. A few more sacred mornings. A few more hours spent with the precious people who are part of my here and now. A few more evenings spent on funfair without worrying about how my crafty peers are going about reinforcing the knees on boys pants.

In the meantime, please don’t be offended if I don’t comment on your facebook photos or join that group you have suggested. In the meantime find me here.

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Tags: facebook, funfair, inspiration, moderation